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you are definitely going to wake the neighbors

Gentleman Savage

Maybe they’ll like my noises as much as you do?




I think we can only be friends if that because your emotionally draining to me. I really just wanted you to be my fuck buddy but you had to go around throwing emotions such as like and affection into the mix, and I just feel like when I decided to respond to that you were totally cold about it. Which is cool and all but then you get upset when I treat you in the same cold way. Then you make it seem like I’m the one with the problem and I’m not.
I also don’t think it’s right that you can bother me whenever the hell you want , yet   the one time I randomly stop by unannounced on a night we usually spend together anyway you act like  it’s some sort of horribly awful thing. If you not banging other girls like you claim then what is the issue? Like for real it’s strange to me that you only offer me your time when it solely benefits yourself. That’s not affection or being in like with someone. I have stayed up after I get out of work at 4:30 in the morning to hang out with you so many times just because you asked me to and I feel like I have to beg you for an hour of your time or even just one night out of the week and to a grown woman that’s just plain ridiculous and unfair and doesn’t make me happy at all.
I’ve never asked you to buy me anything, nor would I even want you to. I only wanted simple things, like your time and your attention, the only thing I’ve ever asked you to do is drive me places and most the time I end up buying you food or giving you gas money so that shouldn’t really be a big deal.
It’s just this morning you really had a lot of offensive things to say and I don’t exactly appreciate being laughed at or made fun of by a child that doesn’t have/or want anything emotionally substantial to offer me. I think you purposely mess with my emotions because it amuses you and it’s kind of sick and unfair and definitely doesn’t make you a bad boy, just a childish asshole.
I know it irritates you when I say this; however I really think I should spend my time finding a nice guy that actually wants to spend some time with me not only when its convenient for him, but for me as well. You just leave me feeling like I’m wasting my time and that I shouldn’t be trying to invest so much of it with you. Which sucks, because a lot of the time I have a lot of fun when I’m with you. Like when you took me to play games, I’ve never had a guy do that before and although I initially had my reservations I surprisingly had a lot of fun.
All I know is you’re the one who said you might like me first and then you offered your affection and as a female I couldn’t help but to respond to that and ever since I did you’ve been a complete and utter dick to me and it is most unappreciated.
You leave me truly wishing I was one of the lucky girls who got a fake name and a good time and were never seen again.
I think the next time you meet a person you might like before you bother telling them that, you should be prepared to focus on that person and be willing to give them your time when you ask them.

Kind Regards,

The girl you fuck unprotected.

A girl has to ramble

Sometimes it just feels like the stars align and everything is alright in the universe.
But then I think of you and it all comes crashing down.
Like a thunderstorm on a sunny day.
The taste of it makes me relatively bitter
I realized, if I let you get too close.
You’ll bite me and inject me with your poison.
So that all I want is you.
It’s so evil how you have no regard for my feelings
I told you once, yet you continue to play me.
I’m only a girl with an empty heart.
I never know when you going to strike and make your move.
I think you were programmed to mislead and deceive.
You’re not all what you seem.
Won’t you go slow and take it easy on me?
I’m not sure if I can survive your horrible ways.
But I’m open to play and try to survive.

Stop making me feel pitter patters.

My heart is a delicate place. It’s been repeatedly shattered and I’m always left alone to piece it back together. I don’t know if it’s something I can deal with. So I try so hard to squash this rising feeling because you’ve told me you don’t want anything complicated and you said you don’t like attachments, but the way you kiss my wrists makes cracks appear in what I’ve already managed to fix.Is it wrong that I find happiness in meeting you in seedy hotel rooms?If I ever told you how happy it made me would it be okay or would I just scare you away?  I think it might be too much for a boy like you to handle.

What’s a girl to do with such useless feelings?

I feel like I’ve been living in the dark and suddenly the lights have been turned on and I’m blind. Sometimes I think you’re not real, but these bruises on my body come from someone .

It really tears my heart in two to know I’ll never get anything from you,but you never offered so how can I ask.Yet you’re the one that rolls over while holding my hand forcing me to hold you close and feel your warmth.

I’m just a girl who’s trying to keep these feelings you inspire at bay.So I’ll never get the chance to say the things I want to say. It’s stupid the way you treat me, you don’t want me to like you yet you hold me close beside you.

What’s a girl to do with such useless feelings?

I don’t understand…

he says he can only see me for one day a week now and he won’t tell me why…other than I’m distracting, but he just told me I could like him and that it was okay and I didn’t have to worry about anything. I don’t understand him at all. What did I do?

He talked about other girls

So we were in my room laying down when he started talking about the girl with a “K” which is how I differentiate from the girl with a “C” but they have the same name so pay attention!

I overheard him and T once talking about “K”, they were insulting her meat loaf skills. I think that was the first time I remember her being mentioned.  Anyway he told me she was his friend, like a little sister but that she had gotten into drugs and she wasn’t the same person anymore.I told him I could relate because I had to ditch most of my close friends a few years ago because they didn’t want to grow up and stop doing drugs in their parents basements. I want to be jealous, but I kinda feel bad for her she called once and he made her talk to me, well kind of but not really I think we said a couple things….it was awkward….why would he do that? Should I be worried? I want to ask him, but he said I could trust him and that he would tell me if he didn’t want to see me anymore so I won’t stress….but I can’t help but be a little envious friend or not, I wish he wanted to spend more time with me.

He told me the other day it was okay to like him, we went to XO’s and had a talk the day after the night I got drunk and mad at him and he said as long as I respected him and was positive and kept making him feel good he would give me his affection. hehe He always says things in such a silly way! It was cute though, afterwards he fucked me in T’s bed which was way hot!

Oh also I’m on birth control, the pill, so happy! <3

Anyways I felt kinda bad because he talked about another girl that he dated a while back and said he found her blog and she took all these things he said too seriously, like he was just joking with her and she thought he was for real and then I had this horrible thought,”How do I know that’s not what he’s doing to me?”. Sometimes when you doubt yourself you have horrible thoughts. I try not to think on them too much. It’s sooo rude though talking about other girls when you’re laying in bed kissing another and telling her you like her so much and stuffs.

He said he liked me again though <3

I guess I distract him too much…

" i understand.
you want to spend time w/ me
but right now i have to focus. and if i hang out w/ you all ill want to do is just bone you 24/7
and never get anything done
i only have so much willpower
so my best way to focus is just to hang out w/ you only a little bit, so i can get done the things I need to get done.
would i like to run away to some tropical island and sip on coconut water and fuck you on the beach all day, yes. BUT I GOTTA FOCUS YA PUMPKIN
I gotta focus and get stuff done and think up ideas and read.
make monies.
that’s where i’m at, and if you are nice and you give me your giggles and positive emotions that pumps me up and makes me wanna get more done then I will give you my bone and affections.
if that’s not what you want then I understand”


So I went out to the bar with one of my co-workers and while she was out there smoking a brown haired girl a little taller than me approached us and asked me how I knew N and I told her that I met him about 6 weeks ago and then she wanted to know if I was seeing him and I told her to ask him and she got bitchy with me and was like well I’m asking you so I was like umm we have unprotected sex and I have aids he’s pretty stupid huh? Then she got all huffy and stormed over to some blonde girl with a tall guy and they walked the other way. I wanted to go tell him but my co worker didn’t want to go and she said to just leave it alone, I guess she’s right but that was so weird! He said he wasn’t seeing anyone else .I should just believe him.

Why am I so stupid??!

AHHHH I should slap myself! I’m so lame…why do I get so drunk? Why do people always buy me drinks at the bar? Why do I drink them? It’s so hard to say no to free stuff! :P Really though I got drunk and ugly last night. I can remember bits and pieces. I’m so mortified, he un-friended me on FB!! How embarrassing, and I can’t find my wallet anywhere. I have to call him and ask for it, did I flip him off because he wouldn’t have sex with me? LOL I am so mean. Oh my stars, I can’t believe I did that. His friend brought these two prostitutes to the apartment and I was soo drunk and one of them was red headed and I swear she was speaking in Japanese for a minute, and I started speaking it too. Hehe I don’t know I was beyond wasted. I haven’t been that drunk in forever, and my birthday doesn’t count even though I lost my phone like an idiot. You’ll have that besides what jerk gives a drunk girl her things back after she asks him to hold onto them for her? SOME PEOPLE DO NOT KNOW ANYTHING. He has no manners and is really snarky, you can’t be that way to a drunk princess okay? I’m serious though I’m so embarrassed, I hope he doesn’t think I’m a complete ass. I really liiiike him! <3 Which is weird, Na’s asked me out a few times and I keep telling him no and my Mom keeps getting mad at me, she wants me to marry Na. But I don’t want to! There predetermined plan for me does not interest me in the least. I love Na but I’m not in love with him, he’s starting to feel like a brother or cousin or some distant family member that you care about and don’t want to see hurt but you don’t want to lie to them. He sent me a message saying we’re still cool he just has a few things to say to me, we’re going to go out today to some meeting thing of his, it sounds interesting. I have to get dressed now, I think I’ll pick something super adorable to make it up to him <3 He can walk around with the prettiest girl in the room :P